My little Zambino,

Today is your due date. I can’t believe we have made it this far together! To be honest, I thought we would have met you by now. Maybe it’s because your brothers had already been around for two weeks at this point. Or maybe it’s because our whole purpose of coming to this side of the world has been for your arrival so we’ve been extra focused on it. I’m not going to lie, these final days have been tough. Yesterday was especially hard. I cried a lot but I think I needed to. That’s one thing I hope to teach you…to give yourself permission to feel what you feel, whether it’s sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear… I find the fastest way out of the hard places is to let yourself be in them for awhile. Then when you’re ready to move on, gratitude is a great way to climb out little by little.

Yes, the waiting is hard, but do you know what I’m thankful for today? I’m thankful that I even have the chance to be waiting for you. To be honest, Daddy and I thought we’d be waiting an eternity for you. We had given up on the idea that you were ever coming. It was hard and we were sad but we accepted it. Then, just as we were about to make the biggest move of our lives, we got the biggest surprise of our lives. You were on the way! And do you know what? I still really can’t believe it. I can’t believe that in a matter of hours, days or (dare I say it), weeks, you will be joining our crazy little family and it will never be the same.

You have two amazing brothers who are so excited to meet you. I grew up with two big brothers so I know what a treat you’re in for, and that you better be prepared to have a few wrestling moves practiced on you. But they will love you and want to protect you and it’s pretty great. I also know that you have a community of family and friends on two sides of the world that are  eager to meet you and ready to love you. And I know most important of all, you have a Creator who will love you better than we ever can but will help us do our best and give us grace when we fail. I am incredibly grateful to Him for the extra special gift He’s given us in you.

So my Zambino, you come when you’re ready. The how and the when is out of my control and I’m okay with that. What matters is you’re coming and that’s more that I could ever ask for. You are absolutely worth the wait. I love you so much already!
Love,

Mommy xo

It’s hard to believe we’ve already been in Canada for almost four weeks. We’ve all transitioned back to life on this side of the world. Here’s what we’ve been up to:

The Boys…

Caleb and Micah did remarkably well on the long journey home and even slept a bit. Their favourite parts (and our lifesavers!) were their individual TV screens (building ‘towers’ on Tetris was a hit) and the indoor playground in the Heathrow airport. They’ve been enjoying being back at the kids program at our church. The comment the first week was “that was really short!”, not at all like our long services in Macha. Another favourite comment I overheard was, “Micah, we’re not in Zambia. You need to flush the toilet!” A week of swimming lessons got them comfortable in the water again. We’ve been swimming as much as possible as that’s not something we do much of in Zambia. We also got to visit their kindergarten class where they answered questions about life in Zambia and played outside with their friends. The highlight for them has definitely been two trips to Grandma and Grandpa’s farm where they love running around, riding tractors and helping out with chores. This week they are doing a kids camp at a local church in the mornings to bring a little routine to their lives. They seem excited about the idea of a brother or sister joining the family soon. A few days ago they helped Daddy install the car seat, did some cleaning and practiced their rocking skills. I can’t wait to watch them become big brothers!

The Grown-Ups…

Joel and I have been enjoying time with family, reconnecting with friends and eating way too much food. I think I’ve enjoyed mint chocolate in every possible form. It’s been nice to have a few dates out of the house as well. I’ve been having weekly appointments with my OB and an ultrasound showed that the baby is looking healthy and on track. I’m now well over 38 weeks so ready any day to meet our little one. It’s hard to be patient and I’m hoping I don’t go too long so I can attempt a VBAC but I know it’s out of my control. Quality family time and lots of rest is the order for these final days, however many there are. I still can’t quite believe this is happening. We look forward to sharing the news when our Zambino arrives!

 

 

 

Two weeks from now we will be on Canadian soil. It feels like time has flown since we’ve made the decision to come back for the birth of Zambino. We finally told the boys about our plans this past weekend. When asked what they are most looking forward to, tractor rides at the farm and going to “Old McDonald’s” topped the list (yep, it’s great parenting when a fast-food restaurant is a top priority, but I’ll be honest, I’m looking forward to it too!).

I have one week left of teaching and am trying my best to stay plugged in, despite being sick and not sleeping well these days. The boys are continuing to enjoy school and life on campus and I pray they will adapt well to Canadian life. Joel has been incredible taking on pretty much all the duties of domestic life and allowing me to rest as much as possible. We are grateful for my parents who are opening up their home to us for the summer. It’ll be nice to have a comfortable place to bring our baby home to while someone else is living in ours.

I’ll be honest, there’s a bit of dread with the thought of 33 hours of travel being almost 35 weeks pregnant with two kids. I don’t really sleep on planes and am often uncomfortable on the best of days.  We are hoping the boys will sleep on the long flight to London. Micah was the only one who managed any last time. Here’s our general itinerary for those interested…

June 10 – Say goodbye to MICS and travel to Livingstone with the Sanfilippo family, stay overnight
June 11 – Fly Livinsgstone to Johannesburg, overnight flight to London (6-hour layovers in each airport)
June 12 – London to Toronto

There are a few things we are looking for that will make our lives a little easier when we are back on Canadian soil. If you can help us out in any way, please get in touch…
1. A cellphone for Joel to borrow. We’d prefer he has a way to be connected to his wife that could go into labour at any point 🙂
2. A vehicle. We no longer own any vehicles and while we will sometimes be able to borrow from family, it would be nice to have or own to get around. If you are going away at all and will be leaving one at home that you don’t mind lending to us for any period of time, please let us know.

With one Facebook post I was able to get almost all of the baby items we need since we passed all of ours on to prepare to move. I’m thankful for the generosity of so many friends so we won’t have to lug too many things back across the world.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers as we finish up at MICS in the next week or so. This feels like home and while we are excited to return in a few months, we look forward to being back in our other home for awhile. And most importantly we can’t wait to meet our newest family member. See you soon Canada!

We had a great experience today connecting some students here in Zambia with a class in Canada. A friend back home who teaches grade four asked if his class could Skype with some of the students at MICS so they could learn more about life in Zambia. We chose three students who speak English well and who wouldn’t be too shy on the computer. They received the questions the day before and seemed excited about the opportunity. Being a totally new experience for them, they did a great job. Technology is a pretty amazing thing!

Life on this side of the world isn’t all about adventures, game drives and encounters with snakes. Ever wonder what keeps us busy on a daily basis? Here’s a small glimpse into my world…

Students at MICS are only taught in English (besides Tonga class) but virtually every student has another first language. It’s pretty much the perfect place for someone who specializes in ESL. Since we settled here in February I’ve had the chance to work with a small group of students who are struggling with their English language skills. I love my job. I hadn’t taught ESL since I went on maternity leave with the boys so getting back into it has felt like returning to my sweet spot.

I have three groups throughout the morning with students from grade two, three and four. There are so many students I could be working with but with my current energy levels and pregnancy it’s been a good place to start.

For two of my groups we do a variety of activities each day. We review days of the week and shapes. We talk about how we’re feeling while trying to avoid the word “fine” (their favourite response here!). We read books and poems and learn new vocabulary. We work on letter sounds and putting them together to make words. We work on writing proper sentences. We learn through playing games and having conversations.

I am working one-on-one with my two students in grade four, teaching them how to read. Although the progress felt slow at first, they are starting to make steps forward and it is incredibly rewarding. One of my students is in grade four but he is fifteen years old. That is not uncommon here as students are often placed by ability rather than age, repeating grades if necessary. Some children do not have the opportunity to attend school in the early years but are still eager to work hard when they do. Part of my job is to help them catch up with their peers and give them the extra support that is difficult for a classroom teacher to provide.

This past Friday all of my students shared a poem we had been working on with the whole school and I was so proud of them. It’s a big deal for many of them who are early readers and something that I hope has boosted their confidence. Next week their classes will have the chance to learn the poem and they will get to be the ‘experts.’

As time goes on I also hope to work more closely with the classroom teachers, helping them learn new ways to teach the curriculum effectively. At the beginning of the term I had the opportunity to lead a short workshop on strategies to reinforce multiplication skills. Teaching adults is not my strong point but it was fun to watch them trying out the games I had introduced and now seeing some of them start to implement the strategies with their students.

While I don’t claim to know much about international development, I do agree with Nelson Mandela that “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” Each of my students has a very unique story, some of which are heartbreaking. I hope to share some of them as time goes on. The chance to get an education will no doubt give them hope for a better future and is changing their lives. I love what I do and it’s an honour to spend my days with these students. And we wouldn’t be here without the support of so many of you. Thank you for partnering with us and together, helping to make a difference in the lives of the kids we serve at MICS. Twalumba!

First, let me say that not all posts in the “What’s Different?” series will be about animals hiding in things. But this one certainly is.

A few weeks ago we discovered a snake skin on our veranda. Our veranda is covered and screened in, so it felt more like finding a snakeskin inside our house than outside. Snakes periodically shed their skins, so this was just a little calling card saying, “Just so you know, I was in here.” Locals told us it was a green mamba. If you want to learn more about them, you can do so here. But let’s just say when I looked them up, it was words like “highly venomous” and “fatalities” that jumped off the page.

Fast forward to this afternoon. Our friend Japheth, who is doing some carpentry work for us at the house, came into my kitchen and asked if he could have a long stick. “There is a snake outside. I want to kill it.” It turns out our little green mamba friend had been living inside the fencepost in our backyard. Japheth had found him with his head poking out.

Japheth provided the bravery, and I provided the broom. He held the broom high above his head and swung it down as hard and fast as he could. Got him on the first try.

 

Editor’s Note:

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. “Joel, that does not look like a green mamba. It looks an awful lot like a philothamnus semivariegatus, otherwise known as the spotted bush snake.” Well, you would be right. After I posted this, a friend in Zimbabwe who knows his snakes quite well emailed to reassure us that we did not have a green mamba in our back yard for the past few weeks. Turns out this little fella is not even poisonous.

Last week was challenging for me. Very high temperatures and growing a human life have been successful at keeping my energy fairly low, or at least depleting it quickly. And now that I’ve started teaching, by the time I’m home with the boys (our school day ends at 1pm but starts at 7:30am) I feel done. I had little patience with Caleb and Micah and felt like I had nothing left in the tank to engage with them in a meaningful way and any interactions were dealing with behaviour. “No, flopping on the floor in a tantrum won’t get you what you want.” “No, lying down in the pile of sand for a sand bath is not a good idea. Don’t you know we’re trying to conserve water!” “I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your request a millisecond after you whined it to me. I will try to do better next time.” You know, that kind of thing. I felt embarrassed when we were out for dinner and they were being rambunctious while were were trying to have some grown up conversation. Really I should have just realized they are four, were up past their bedtime, hadn’t had much time with us and life as they know it has completely changed in the last two months. Sometimes I take for granted how remarkably well they’ve done with the transition and that maybe, just maybe they are still settling into their new life here.

All that to set the stage for Sunday morning. After getting up two hours later than I usually do (my love language is sleeping in!) I said good morning to everyone and opened my computer to check emails. In an ideal world, I would have kept the computer closed, asked my boys what they wanted to do and enjoyed a quiet morning of entering into their world but as I’m sure many of us find, sometimes it feels easier to choose the virtual connection over the one right in front of us. And I was fully aware I was doing it. Anyways, as I was looking at my email, Micah crawled up on the couch beside me and gently whispered in my ear, “Mommy, you’re exquisite.” My heart melted. Really? Did he actually just say that to me? Then he went into the kitchen, and whispered to Joel, “Mommy is exquisite.” (Before you are overly impressed with my son’s vocabulary, “exquisite” is a word he learned on Sesame Street’s word of the day, a brilliant feature of the show in my opinion. Ask him what it means and he’ll tell you it means “beautiful and special”.)

I am generally not a fan of cheesy Christian analogies and am not one to over-spiritualize things but as I reflected on my son’s words throughout the day, I couldn’t help but be reminded that that’s how God thinks of us. We are exquisite. It doesn’t matter how many times we’ve messed up and missed opportunities to love those around us. How he feels about us is not based on our performance. He delights in us, plain and simple. After feeling like I had failed many times over this past week, my son’s words were God’s grace to me and a reminder of how he sees us. You are exquisite!

Photo credits to my good friend Cheryl at Bamboo Life Photography

Julianne and I recently spent a morning at the pre-natal clinic at Macha hospital. Once a month, the hospital holds a clinic for expectant mothers and mothers with young children. One of the benefits of Julianne being pregnant (aside from, you know, the creation of a new human life) is that it is allowing us to experience the care of this hospital that is at the centre of our community here, and without having to get malaria or break an arm. Everyone we have interacted with at the hospital has been absolutely wonderful, and the care has been excellent.

The clinic was an interesting experience. Couples who are expecting a baby are required to attend a session as part of their registration with the hospital. Since the class is normally conducted in Tonga, the local language, we were treated to a private version conducted for us in English by one of the nurses.

He was professional and thorough, taking us through topics such as nutrition for pregnant women, what to expect during the birthing process, and how to monitor your baby’s health and growth after leaving the hospital. He did laugh a little as he took us through some of the material, which I think he was required to cover but which he knew probably would not apply to this couple from Canada. I learned, for instance, that I should give Julianne a break from working in the fields during her pregnancy. I have dutifully complied with this instruction.

One of the standard parts of the registration is for both parents to take an HIV test; the test is not a requirement but is strongly encouraged. The HIV pandemic has hit Zambia hard, with and adult prevalance rate of nearly 22% at its peak. And while education and prevention efforts of the last couple decades have helped bring the rate down, the statistics say that even today nearly one in eight adult Zambians carries the virus. The testing of expectant mothers is particularly important, because the virus can be passed on to infants. There are ways to prevent this, or at least reduce the risk, but only if the mother’s status is known.

Julianne and I were both tested as part of our registration with the hospital. After filling out the consent form (the first form I have completed in my life where I have been asked to indicated how many spouses I have), I had my finger pricked to get a small amount of blood. For Julianne, since her body has a slightly more central role to play than mine in the whole pregnancy thing, a few more tests were required. After these were done, we were told we would have our HIV results in a matter of minutes.

Getting the actual results was an interesting experience. The nurse we had been working with had a certain flair for the dramatic, so he built up the suspense a little. He put the papers face down on the table.

“I have your results here. But first, let’s talk a little. How would you feel if you were negative?”

“Ummm…happy?”

“Good. And how would you feel if you were positive.”

“Wellllll…surprised?”

“Okay.”

Long pause.

“Do you know that at this hospital we have a very good program of medicines for supporting those who are positive?”

“Yes, I did know that.”

“And if you are positive, will you take advantage of that program?”

“Well, yes, I suppose would.”

Now, I am pretty aware of the behaviours that can put you at risk for HIV. And I am pretty aware that the frequency with which I engage in those behaviours puts me in a pretty safe spot in terms of the likelihood of getting HIV. But if this guy kept asking me any more questions, I think I might have started to worry that I might be seeing a “positive” on that page.

At any rate, the suspense was about to end. He flipped the results over, and with a deft cross-handed manoeuvre he put my results down in front of Julianne, and her results down in front of me.

Both negative. Which was not a surprise. What was a surprise was this you-see-hers, she-sees-yours approach to sharing them. It doesn’t strike me as the kind of thing that would happen in our privacy-conscious culture in Canada. But as I thought about it more, it made a lot of sense. In a culture where women do not always have the say and the rights that we take for granted in Canada, this gives a pregnant mother a clear view of her partner’s status. It gives her information she might not get otherwise — information that may help her protect herself and her baby.

I am thankful for Macha hospital. I am thankful for the role it plays in the community here. And I am thankful that, while we are getting ready for this new little life to join our family, we get to experience first hand what a wonderful place it really is.

One of the things I have been looking forward to about living on campus is being part of life with the boarding kids. The building we live in is also shared with the boys and girls dorms so they truly are our neighbours. Caleb and Micah have gotten more comfortable greeting them as they pass by our veranda several times a day. We had been talking about the idea of eating supper with the boarding kids one night a week as they will become our extended family here. So after two weeks of settling into life on campus, tonight was night number one. I was a bit hesitant as they eat nshima every night, which is the staple food in Zambia. It is made with maize flour (cornmeal) and has the consistency of stiff mash potatoes. It is often served with a side or two, referred to as the relish . Tonight’s was beef and cabbage. Joel and I ate it often in Zimbabwe (called ‘sadza’ there) and enjoyed it. We tried to prepare the boys ahead of time as we attempt to do with every new experience here, but to be honest I wasn’t expecting them to like it. But to our surprise they both ate it up and even went back for seconds. They are on their way to becoming true Zambians and I’m thankful that the staple meal isn’t a barrier to them getting to know the community around them. Not every day is easy, but it is truly amazing to see how well they are adapting and embracing their new life.

I had it all planned out. In the remaining months of living in Zimbabwe in 2007, we would start trying for our first child. I would give birth in the spring of 2008 and have three kids, each two years apart. Those who know our family at all, know that didn’t happen and those who know me really well, know that what followed were some difficult years for us, but in June of 2010 we were thrilled to welcome Caleb and Micah into our little family.

I had always assumed we would have more kids but we also began dreaming with Jamie and Arja about the idea of moving to Zambia together. Through a series of events and what we believe was God’s direction, in late 2012 we eventually gave up the idea of having a third child. Even though I’ve had peace and felt like it was the right decision for us, I’ve been grieving the idea of not having the bigger family I had always imagined. While I celebrated with friends who shared the news of their pregnancies or held their tiny newborns, the pain didn’t go away. Watching my friends with siblings of different ages, I wondered what that would be like. I knew that doing the right thing for our family didn’t mean that it would be easy. When the boys were born I bought personalized Christmas stockings for our family with two additional blank ones for any future members. Each year pulling them out of the box awakened the ache inside of me, this year being no exception.

Only a few days later in the midst of the craziness of preparing to move to the other side of the world, I started to feel off and way more tired than usual. I had some symptoms similar to my previous pregnancy but knew it was virtually impossible. I decided to buy a test so I could enjoy my occasional glass of wine over the Christmas holidays in peace. Even the night before I tested Joel and I agreed that the chances were extremely low. Then it happened. That extra line came up quite quickly as we got the shock of our lives. I am pregnant!

This baby truly is a miracle and a gift from God. We are amazed and grateful that I have a little life growing inside of me. We have confirmed there is only one in there this time and have heard the heart beating strong. A few weeks ago we had an ultrasound at Macha and saw our little one moving around, growing right on track. Time is flying and this past weekend already marked the halfway point. The timing is all a bit overwhelming but we are excited to raise our baby, at least in the early years, in a beautiful community in rural Zambia. The hardest part of motherhood with the boys was not sleep deprivation, the long hours feeding, or juggling two babies at once, but the isolation of our Western culture. There will be new challenges where we are, but I’m guessing that being alone won’t be one of them. We are already part of a wonderful team with the Sanfilippo family and our community is starting to grow around us. Living on a school campus certainly won’t hurt either. We have affectionally named our little one “Zambino” for now and can’t wait to welcome them into our family in July. We will monitor my pregnancy and decide where to give birth in the coming months.

We knew moving to Zambia would mix up our lives. Never in a million years would I have guessed that a few weeks before we left, we would discover this little and not-so-little development. In many ways it still doesn’t feel real but the growing bump and the recently-felt kicks are certainly helping it sink in. Life is a crazy and beautiful story with unexpected twists and turns and I wouldn’t have it any other way. We look forward to keeping  you updated on our little Zambino who has already had quite the adventure in their short 20 weeks.