I’m a big fan of vulnerability. I want to share the hard stuff as well as the good stuff. I think it’s important but it’s not easy to do. I’ve written several posts (which I haven’t shared….yet) where I’ve felt like I’ve had to have some kind of silver lining. But today, at the risk of sounding like a bit of a whiner but in the spirit of being real, I’ve decided I’m simply going to tell you why today has been hard.

We’ve both done a little of this today

• It’s hot. This is the hottest time of year. We have no air-conditioning and a few fans when the power is working. But sometimes it just feels like more hot air blowing on you…which it is.
• I have a baby. I love him. He’s a gift. He’s adorable. But this week has been hard. He’s been way more fussy than usual, especially around nap time. His naps are short and I have no sweet clue how to change that. I feel like a first-time mom all over again. My usual soothing techniques have had little effect this week. It’s frustrating not being able to help him.
• It’s hot and I have a baby. Have I mentioned that already? Sometimes breastfeeding or cuddling or soothing is no fun when the two of us are dripping in sweat. I might cry too if someone picked me up and held me tight in this heat.
• Power outages. We just learned that in addition to our 8 hour daily outages, the power will also be out from 6pm to 9pm each day. Enough said.
• Being homebound. Sometimes it’s hard having nowhere to go. I don’t mind being a stay-at-home mom for now but I miss having options…going to the gym, a playdate, visiting grandparents or a trip to the grocery store. We didn’t even make it on our daily trip to the office today. The farthest I’ve gone is the clothesline.
• Neck and back pain. I’ve had neck pain since the early weeks of Nathaniel’s life, likely due to breastfeeding. And my back hurts from carrying him so much. I would love to be able to book an appointment with my chiropractor or massage therapist today. My pillow is too soft and I wake up in pain. But instead of a two minute walk to Homesense to buy a new one, a decent pillow is a seven hour drive away.
• Food choices. I was actually thinking this morning how many more options we have in Zambia than we did in Zimbabwe. But I’d still love a chocolate croissant, or some ice cream or a bowl of raspberries. I miss the luxury of unlimited choice.
• Friendships. This is hard to admit but it’s easy to feel forgotten. I know life goes on back home and I can’t base my happiness on the number of messages in my inbox, but on the days or weeks when there are none and I feel like I could really use it, it can be discouraging.
• Cloth diapers. Not the worst but not my favourite and definitely more work. And today some cows tried to eat them off the clothesline for lunch (thanks to Arja who noticed and chased them away before they did too much damage).
• Validation. It’s hard being a primary school teacher at a primary school and not teaching. My boy needs me right now but it’s not easy being an observer in the busyness that surrounds us and feeling like my biggest accomplishment of the day was a load of laundry.
• Living on a school campus. Let me be clear, this is generally an awesome thing with many perks and I know I signed up for this. But when you finally get your son to sleep and over 150 kids walk past his window, it can be a little frustrating.

How is your day going? Do you have someone you can tell the truth to if it’s not “fine” like we all tend to say? I encourage you to try it. I feel better already. 🙂